Courage, fan. Ben Stokes's squad might be heading into the next Ashes Test now 2-0 down, however not all among supporters is deterred. Exists one unit tailor-made for this scenario, a dedicated unit who are arguably the supreme masters of adversity. Is optimism crushed? Do you feel the weight beneath the burden of crushing defeat? Well then, join the Barmy Army.
Already, their early arrivals are moving in on Adelaide, the city where they were established 30 years ago. England's most famous – and by headcount most vocal – travelling fans will be anticipating an anniversary win-against-the-odds, like the one they celebrated on that historic tour. But whatever happens on the pitch, off it the celebrations will be long and loud.
"The cricket's been incredibly disappointing," a veteran states, "yet we're the lucky ones, because we're on holiday. It's likely harder for the people at home."
Even Bazball's nuclear implosion can't shake this crew of battle-tested followers. They've been observing England's innings meltdowns since prior to many current players were born. They've witnessed more dropped catches than star players have career scalps. Their touring history as an Ashes touring group is: contested many, lost often, won seldom. The people who knows how to weather a whitewash, it's the long-standing fans.
Certainly, if you're watching, the Barmy Army appear to be ubiquitous this series. TV directors at the grounds frequently appear more focused on the Barmies than on their own fans. TV partners regularly use them as atmosphere-building lead-in to a day's play. Even the athletes on the field give them a wave, with a fan dressed as a king conducting a rendition of a national hymn.
Perhaps that the Barmy Army's dual effect of longevity and ubiquity has now obscured quite how extraordinary their takeover of travelling fandom has been. In the early 1990s a few travelling fans were brought together in good-natured self-deprecation at England's woeful away record. Now their legacy is so intertwined with the national team that their boisterous, "unique" crowd is all but establishment itself. They've certainly come a far since the early days.
One original recalls the buoyant hope of the first Test of that 1994-95 tour. With the hosts building a solid score, he initiated a small conga in the stands, winding up the Australian supporters with a tune about convicts. "The Aussie fans jeered at us, then threw plastic cups – the stuff that we sometimes receive today," he recalls. "Yet when we got back our modest following of England followers had all taken part."
Following defeat, England's tour suffered more defeats. Those travelling with the team around the country was considered barmy indeed. By the time the Melbourne and Sydney matches their numbers had grown significantly. Those on the field, however, genuinely enjoyed their support at the grounds. When England managed a face-saving victory, a star summoned a Barmy Army figure up to the team balcony to direct the revelry. Such camaraderie has endured.
But then, the significant volume the Barmy Army can conjure are as appealing to the English game as they are to overseas venues. On this tour alone, their official tours will bring thousands of fans on tour. All kinds of events are organised for the three-decade milestone.
This is, in the end, an organisation born of fan enthusiasm and business acumen. The logic they date themselves to a specific Test is because that was when they started offering branded clothing. The short initial run was so immediately successful – and profitable – that it sparked a thriving business. From that point, the co-founders have helped turn a group of mates into an industry-leading tour operator.
That creates its own challenges, particularly at a time when sport is looking to shed some of its rowdy image. The Barmy Army's management are eager to highlight that a significant portion of their clientele are now female. As times have changed, the songs have had to get cleaner, too. "Language that you'd say 30 years ago you can no longer say, and that's as it should be," says a representative. "It's not possible to tell someone how to behave in their own space, but we do not endorse songs that are derogatory."
Could the Barmy Army mellow naturally? The mean age of fans is now nearing the late 40s – similar to the original members, who have been happy to distance themselves from the day-to-day running. One founder is savouring this tour purely as a punter – leaving young professionals to run the Barmy Army's social media. "It's easy to overlook how challenging it used to be to coordinate with each other," he laughs. "It was all done all by word of mouth – 'everyone's going to the pub!'"
Turning to the current contest, the impossible dream of a series victory persists, which is very mid-90s indeed. In the event England succumb in Adelaide … well, future travels awaits.